I, for one, am super excited about the spate of dispensaries popping up on every corner. We’ve lived in a world full of terribly named vape shops for far too long. We can’t let dumb names like “Vape Lounge” and “Vape World” and “OKC Vapes” plague our precious dispensaries. It is my civic duty to prevent that from happening.
With that duty in mind, I give enterprising future weed-slingers suggestions for the 10 best names for your medical marijuana dispensary.
1. Pot of Gold
There are a lot of Irish pubs in Oklahoma, and none of them can hold a candle to an actual Irish pub. It stands to reason that using Ireland as a marketing ploy really works in this state. That’s why I suggest Pot of Gold. I mean, a lot of your branding is already going to be green, so it works perfectly. And just imagine a leprechaun, but instead of a four-leaf clover, he’s got a seven-leaf herb.
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2. Herban Sprawl
There are like 8,000 dispensaries located in the heart of the metro. But the fancy folks in the suburbs need access to the various indica and sativa strains just as much as the rest of us. I smell a skunky opportunity! For that reason, I think Herban Sprawl would be a great name for a shop in the middle of a brand new strip mall in Piedmont or Mustang that is surrounded by lots for sale.
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3. Smoke, Toke & Two Vaping Darryls
Admittedly, this name really only works if your name is Darryl, and you’re opening this dispensary with your other brother Darryl. Plus it’s a bit long. But I know in my heart of hearts that there are two Darryls in this world who really love Guy Ritchie movies and also have the startup capital to take advantage of this new industry in our great state.
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4. Gone to Pot
There’s nothing I love more than kitschy branding. And this would undoubtedly be the kitschiest of all the local dispensaries. The building would be made to look like a former pharmacy that had been hastily turned into a dispensary. So, imagine all the hallmarks of a small pharmacy but covered up with marijuana branding. Imagine HIPPA notices covered up by the weed menu. Imagine the shelves of candy and impulse buys replaced with glass pipes and rolling papers. The employees would take a page out of the TGIFriday’s playbook and wear pharmacist-style white coats but with tons of weed-related flair.
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5. Weed to Grow Basis
If you haven’t heard, Langston University gets to grow the green stuff for a hemp farming program. And, since medical marijuana is legal, I think it only makes sense to incorporate a dispensary-running program of study for their business students. Weed to Grow Basis would be the perfect name for a farm-to-dispensary operation set up by the university.
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6. This Bud’s for You
Remember how much money Budweiser made by celebrating the everyman and the hard work they did? This dispensary would use the same general idea. Only, instead of talking about all the hard work these people do, it would emphasize all the chronic pain these people have from their day jobs and how this dispensary can help out with that.
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7. Hazy Circles
Oklahoma-based branding really kills in this market. And what would be better than a name that plays on a line in our state song?
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8. One Toke Over the Line
Finally, Texans are going to be coming up to our state for their contraband, instead of the other way around. And, for the enterprising soul that chooses to set up shop right by the Winstar Casino, you definitely want to use this name.
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9. Blunt Instruments
I think it would be pretty smart to open a dispensary near a Guitar Center. I’m not trying to stereotype here, but I know a musician or two who enjoy their weed. And those folks shouldn’t have to drive all over God’s green earth to run their errands. If you need to pick up some guitar strings and XLR cables, you should also be able to pop in next door to get your Purple Haze and Green Crack.
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10. Happy Ogle
Unfortunately, this name is already taken.
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Marisa is available for all your business branding and ad copywriting needs. To get a list of her rates, follow her on Twitter.
