All medicines have side effects: dizziness, nausea, rapid heartbeat, sleepwalking, red tears and urine amongst other terrifying symptoms. You naturally weigh the good and the bad and hope you balance out slightly better than when you started. Spacing out and forgetting things is just part of the territory when it comes to our favorite leafy medicine. To help you remember all those things you’ve forgotten, here’s a list of things to…uh…what was I writing about?
1. Tie a string around something.
I’m not quite sure which wife came up with this tale, but if I’m prone to forget something, a random string on my finger isn’t going to help. I feel it’s better to spice things up: Place it on a crazy body part, so when you do see it, you actually recall. Nothing says, Remember to TiVo Gov. Stitt busting his face on American Ninja Warrior, like ribbon tied around your junk! Plus, it’s one of the cheaper methods on this list.
2. Make it into a song.
For the musically inclined, take one of your favorite songs and alter the lyrics to suit the task. Some of the chart-topping hits at your old Skunk Unk’s house include:
“Take out the trash, that stinky stanky trash” (Achy Breaky Heart),
“Go and fertilize??” (Do You Realize??), and
“Pick up the kids…and show patience” (Friends in Low Places).
I plan to record these little ditties at Bell Labs and shop them to Blake Shelton, so be on the lookout and pick up your copy at Guestroom Records.
3. Get a tattoo.
Nothing says importance like a permanent, lifelong decision. This is not a pick-up-milk-and-bread-because-Mike-Morgan-said-to type of reminder. I only recommend this if you are one of those thick folk who needs a constant reminder to do (or don’t do) something. Be honest guys, we all know somebody who needs a forehead tattoo that states “Read The Happy Ogle (make this text backwards).”
4. Buy some advertising.
Tired of seeing cows slinging hate chicken on those huge billboards? Hit up Lamar for some outdoor advertising, and insert a compelling graphic of your ugly mug reminding you to pick up grandma for her OMMA card appointment. Or, for a much cheaper option, buy some display ads on The Happy Ogle! Tell them Uncle Skunk sent you, and receive 10% off! (offer valid only on 4/20 of the year 420 B.C.)
5. Two stoners are better than one.
When all else fails, try enlisting the help of your fellow card holders, to see if they can become your human Remembrall. You never know what they’ll come up with (or what you’ll wake up to). If you think you don’t have any amigos, remember you always have a compadre in Uncle Skunk. I just hope I remember to remind you.
Uncle Skunk frequently forgets to add a tag line.