5 Hallmarks of Okie Cannabis Culture

After my shocking exposé on the good ol’ Ogle network’s snack-profits-boosting scheme, your old Skuncle got a bit paranoid and bugged out faster than KD to California.

On the way from Oklahoma to my secret mountain hideaway, I passed through states with both medical and recreational laws for cannabis. After making some remarkable observations about how different we are, I synthesized them into five hallmarks of Okie canna-culture:

Billboard Bonanza

Ivy League Cannabis billboard near Downtown Oklahoma City

I had some family and friends visit me recently who hadn’t been to the 405 in a few years, and the first question I got was, “Do you guys have recreational pot or something?” We have countless CBD+, Golden Lotus, Grow Warehouse and Weedmaps billboards on Oklahoma’s major highways and interstates — almost as many Chick-fil-A. Moving off the highway, we find bus benches and every imaginable form of outdoor advertising.

Road tripping through several other states with varying degrees of legalization, I saw a grand total of three marijuana-related billboards: a farm, a dispensary and an addiction help line. If this phenomenon of over-saturation subsides, it’s possible we might look less like ecstatic 8th graders hyped up over a bag of shake.

Location, Location, Location…and another Location

A small sampling of Oklahoma dispensaries on Weedmaps

In Oklahoma, it seems like there’s a dispensary on every street corner, side road and storefront next to a 7-Eleven. In other states, not so much. I think it would be easier to find my cousin Sasquatch than it was to find a dispensary in some of these other states. And this isn’t due to out-of-towner-itis! Even with a resourceful combination of Weedmaps, Leafly and Apple maps, I still had a hell of a time finding them. It must be the law…or I was really stoned.

A Derth of Celebrity Brands

With Oklahoma being such a new player in the weed game, I was unaccustomed to seeing big name stars attaching themselves to products, like I did in other states. Not to my surprise, that red headed stranger jumps in the game and gives five pre-rolls in a commemorative tin at 33 percent THC for only $30! Sold! Put on “Shotgun Willie,” spark that doobie and throw my hat into the air!
I can only assume Wayne Coyne will soon be sticking his glittery fingers into our state’s bud business with Heady Fwends or Giant Bubble Bud. I’ve already trademarked the names, so I expect to be contacted by representatives of Mr. Coyne very soon.

Mellower Strains

You know it’s good shit when this happens…

Speaking of Willie’s Reserve, I haven’t been that high off a couple of joints in a long while. I’m talking camping in the middle of the desert, looking up to the stars whilst holding my gun, convinced the aliens will abduct me if I go to sleep kind of stoned. I pulled myself back together, put on “Red Headed Stranger” and chilled the fuck out. But, damn! I’m accustomed to more mellow shit back home.

I’m sure there’s some high-THC bud here in OKC, but I’ve not yet discovered any comparable to what I found on my cannabis caravan through other states. No doubt Oklahoma’s newly-legitimized growers will keep honing their cultivation practices, and I’ll keep searching…and smoking out.

Loud & Proud

Oklahoma weed merch on redbubble.com
In Oklahoma, we squeal with glee and wave our pot banner high — proud of our homegrown accomplishments, shouting it to the heavens! Imagine getting braggadocious, only to have an intelligent, down-to-earth mountain man slap some sense into you! After going on…and…on about Oklahoma and the joints I brought with me on the road, I asked my pal Rickard what kind of bud he had. “Eh, I don’t know. Something my buddy got,” he said, all blasé. And then I understood: It’s cooler when you don’t get caught up in the numbers or the names; after all, it’s about the experience.
Uncle Skunk thinks Wyoming would be a tolerable state if they shaved a few hours off of it.

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