Dinner with the Cleavers…on Cannabis

When I talk to other people (mostly women) about my marijuana usage, they’re stunned that while I’ve become a daily smoker over the last year, I’ve also lost 80-ish pounds. Most of the weight-loss is a crazy side effect of one of the handful of prescription meds I take for my seizure disorder. But a big part of how well my body has handled the weight loss is my new view on food, which I think has a lot to do with my marijuana usage.

Dinner is such an important social meal; it’s probably the one time everyone in the family is gathered in the same space without distractions and electronic devices. Here are a few Weed Mom tips that have helped me get into a healthy, happy dinner groove:

1. First off — and this critical — never, EVER grocery shop while under the influence of marijuana.

Your dinner is doomed from the start, if what you’re working with is the food staples you selected while high. Your fridge will look like you’re feeding a frat house, and you could get in serious trouble being under the influence in public. This includes grocery order pickup. You’ll end up with three bags of baked Cheetos, a case of Diet Sunkist, six gallon-jugs of water and three bananas. Speaking of…why does Walmart grocery pickup sell by the banana? I wanted three pounds of bananas!!! Choose the most naturally colorful foods you can find. They’re healthy and fun to look at.

2. Smoke a little before you start cooking to spark some creativity.

Take a hit or two to get warmed up. Note: By no means do I think it is acceptable to get completely blitzed and parent or cook, using hot things like a stove. Like I said, smoke a little before dinner; as a daily user, you don’t get stoned off two hits of a joint.

Take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Those smart grocery choices from earlier are going to pay off, when you open your fridge and it looks like a rainbow of fruits and vegetables. When I cook after smoking a nice relaxing strain, I create the most colorful concoctions imaginable, which are also loaded with all kinds of nutritional goodness from those colorful foods. Then, Voila! The food is ready just in time to curb those munchies creeping up.

3. Chill the fuck out and enjoy every moment and morsel.

When I’m eating on cannabis, I seem to have a much more enjoyable experience. I’m chilled, relaxed, and ready to interact with my beloved family. More interacting with the family means slower eating, less eating and weight loss. I feel like food also tastes better…or maybe I’m just a better cook when I’m high. Either way, does anybody lose in that scenario? We are basically the Cleavers, who sit around the table at dinner time and talk about our day. Yes, for real. We talk, we laugh, we interact, we solve small problems, and we come together and connect as a family.

4. Remember that popcorn is always a perfectly acceptable Plan B.

But what happens if you “accidentally” get too high and don’t feel like cooking (ruining) dinner? That’s when you create the most amazing dinner from…POPCORN!! I’m lazy and use microwave popcorn. Eat in front of the TV, watch a ridiculous movie or a brain-numbing show the kids want to watch. You’re high, and you’ll think most anything is funny! I don’t know about you, but my kids absolutely love it when I laugh at the same jokes as they do. And again…you are coming together and connecting as a family.

None of these tips are huge, but most people don’t need a HUGE change in their lives to become a little bit healthier.

Introducing cannabis to your dinnertime routine can help you get chill, relaxed, and fade into the stories your children tell — the ones that otherwise drive you nuts. You listen deeper, feel more, and look more intently at things…at yourself, your habits. I’ll keep my Cleaver family dinners with a side of cannabis, because even though we are eating healthier and tastier meals, dinner time these days is about enjoying the people at the table, not just the food.

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