Several days ago I sat on my porch, legally smoking a joint of Oklahoma-grown cannabis while reading about a bunch of “silly women” who planned to express their new rights by rollerblading topless a few blocks down the street from my apartment.
In Oklahoma…the proverbial buckle of the Bible Belt.
This particular mix of activities had me reflecting on — and appreciating — the subtle ways in which the legalization of medical cannabis in Oklahoma has changed our beautiful state for the better. And not just in the obvious ways.
Here are a few of the more subtle ways 788 changed Oklahoma:
We Fantasize Less About Bugging Out
In 2017, I went to Colorado a grand total of three times. Because I, uh, really like mountains. For some reason I can’t quite seem to grasp, once medical cannabis became legal in Oklahoma, pictures of mountains seem to be all I need to satiate my desire to be high…in elevation, that is.
Knowing I will never have to leave my home state again just to enjoy non-stigmatized, decriminalized cannabis is an incredibly comforting feeling — and I’m sure Oklahoma’s economy will greatly appreciate all that money not crossing state lines!
Billboard Games Are Fun Again
Since the passage of 788, roadside advertisements have made my daily commute much more enjoyable. Over a year into the legalization of medical marijuana, it still cracks me up that I pass billboards warning me of the fragility of my soul in between billboards teasing me with the ‘cheapest ounce in Oklahoma.’ Entertainingly enough, both billboards in question depict fire in the message; however, one uses flames as a symbol of eternal damnation, while the other is more of a ‘We got dat fire’ kinda thing.
Not everyone is happy about Oklahoma’s billboard games. That’s cool, Ted Cruz and his slack-jawed minions can stay in Texas.
Adults Actually Enjoy the State Fair
For years, the State Fair was an overhyped, overpriced event that seemed to be enjoyed far more by everyone who wasn’t me. Something about paying to ride temporary attractions cobbled together by carnies and eating literal cornucopias of food never intended to be deep-fried…it just felt unsafe for me on an unacceptable number of levels.
Any adults who really seemed to be enjoying themselves were either sloppy drunk or taking one for the team and wearing a happy face for the benefit of the kids.
But this year was different! The Oklahoma State Fair (I hit up the one in Tulsa) allowed cannabis patients to medicate in all designated smoking areas! Don’t get me wrong, I was never ever going to the fair not high, but being able to tuck away to a corner and maintain a solid ratio of one-bowl-smoked : disgusting-fried-food-eaten makes the experience all the better!
America Knows We’re Reefer Rockstars
Prior to passage of 788, was there a single thing in which Oklahoma was top-ranked? That’s not fair; I think in 2015 we had more earthquakes than any other state. Yaaaaaaay, fracking! Thank you, oil & gas overlords, for giving us our first chance to really shine in the national spotlight.
In 2019, Oklahomans can be proud of something new: We have created the fastest-growing medical marijuana market in the country! Somehow — despite this — the devil’s lettuce has yet to seduce us into a pit of chaos and debauchery, which opponents of 788 promised was inevitable.
It’s almost like cannabis was totally harmless all along…WEIRD.