Problems You Now Have: Life After Medical Marijuana

It seems like nothing nice happens in life without an adverse event to balance it out. Find a $20 on the street, and the electric bill spikes for some reason; save up for a new truck, and then you end up helping everybody move; horrible female governor is gone, and her replacement is an equally horrible male governor…you get my drift.

Maybe I’m unlucky, in a funk or highly clearheaded, but everything in life seems to have a dualistic nature. These are some of my new problems — from the other side of the coin that gave us medical marijuana. It ain’t all rainshine and sunbows, people.

Too Much Time Spent Hunting Deals

The Happy Ogle has a deal hunter extraordinaire out here working hard to find you the cheapest stuff available, and you’ve been reaping the rewards! Unfortunately for me, ya’ll keep beating me to the punch: I go to get said deal only to find that they’re sold out. Early bird gets the weed, I guess. So I jump back on Weedmaps to search. And search…and search. I blink and it’s been an hour. I recently found a dispensary and strain that fit my budget and taste, but don’t look for it on this site; my lips are sealed.

No ‘Buying Crazy Shit Whilst High’ Budget

Random shit popping into my head…and then me diving head-first into a related rabbit hole is my modus operandi, but damn does it come with a hefty price tag! One minute I’m looking at the new Factory Obscura page…next thing I know, I’m trying to buy a giant bubble that Wayne allegedly owned. The Happy Ogle just doesn’t pay me enough to fulfill my wildest dreams in such a way — and probably for the best — or I would have all the OKC Blazers merch I could find.

Nowhere to Legally Medicate Outside of Home

I have a job that doesn’t allow our favorite new medication on site, and with random cops showing up, I have to get crafty with my stash spots. Seriously, some of us don’t have the convenience of just popping home for a quick hit to bring our anxiety and stress levels down. I feel like a heel sneaking hits like an 8th grader hiding out in a secluded spot hoping a cop doesn’t pull up. Can’t we get a patient café, with drinks and snacks and on-premises puffing at one of the endless dispensaries in town? You know this idea would take off and be an awesome experience for everyone.

Paranoia Wearing Paraphernalia

First thing I wanted to buy after some dankity dank was a kick ass marijuana-themed shirt or outfit. I wanted my threads to say “this guy has an OMMA card and two middle fingers…I’m legal pigs!” or something to the effect. I picked out my outfit, wore it in public and upon returning home put it in the deepest, darkest part of my closet. I felt like the shadiest person alive (a tight Ed Hardy t-shirt couldn’t have been worse). Like cops were watching me, ready to slap on the handcuffs at any moment — and I wasn’t even that high! Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like I’ll never be able to rock that sick weed bucket hat outside of Cannabis Cup.

—Uncle Skunk’s got 99 problems and probably more to come

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