The place in a closet with 152 strains
These are some of my favorite dispensaries! You walk in; the check-in area is maybe the size of a guest bathroom; and behind a door is the actual dispensary, which makes up the other half of that guest bathroom. That is weird. The claustrophobic environment may cause some apprehension at first, but once you’re checked in, you’ll be greeted to a tiny closet with a greater ratio of cannabis-per-square-inch than the center console of Dawg Father Snoop’s car. The only thing in the place that isn’t covered in some sort of cannabis product is the budtender themselves, and let’s be honest, their skin is probably testing positive at detectable levels.
The wannabe Apple Store
This type is basically the ‘beautiful people’ of the dispensary world. While you won’t get a genius bar or a plethora of cookie-cutter electronics, you will get overly designed minimalism and bearded hipsters trying to sell you stuff! There is nothing inherently good or bad about these places. It’s just a little weird for a dispensary to look like a McModern show-home. Don’t presume the top-shelf aesthetic says anything about the quality of the bud, but if you want an incredibly expensive bong, they probably have one in a display case on the wall!
The one that only hires outrageously attractive people
You guys know this place: The logo is minimalist and tasteful; the building is nice and well maintained (note: this type occasionally crosses over with The Apple Store type); and every employee looks like a blemish-less, beautiful vampire with perfect facial composition and symmetry. I’m not complaining, but it is weird.
How am I supposed to concentrate on buying my concentrates, when my budtender’s face is causing some sort of Fibonacci response in my lizard brain (and I can’t stop staring at it!), while I immediately agree to purchase anything they suggest. No, I don’t need a mango scented bath bomb with a gram of vacuum-sealed weed in the center for $30…but I’m out the door before I even know I made the purchase.
The place with the killer deals, on the street you might be killed on
I go here a lot more than I’d like. You guys know the one. The place you first found out about via their unbelievable online menu, and you immediately thought it would become your go-to dispensary. When you finally got there you didn’t want to leave….your car…because clearly this journey for cannabis brought you to a part of town you are very unfamiliar with…and your love of colorful tee-shirts may now finally get you murdered.
But they DO have some great deals, so you’ll be back!