Late last week, we asked three writers to sample three top-shelf strains of the latest harvest from organic, living-soil-growers Kola Organics — set to hit the market today. Here are their raw, uncensored reviews:
High Ho Kola
The flower itself has a hidden beauty, with long yellow trichomes popping up all over the buds, nice green color and a particularly strong, familiar dank smell. The sweet lemony aroma this stuff emits is very pungent. The bud was slightly sticky and dense and crumbly, but the smoke was surprisingly smooth and tasted clean, with just a hint of cola flavor mixed with something like honeysuckle.
This is the first strain ever able to score a 10 out of 10 on my pain-relief scale. I strongly recommend setting some time aside for this one, because it instantly mellowed me out…to the point where time and pain lost all meaning. My chronic pain was whisked away, and I was instantly couch-locked in a blazed bliss for at least five or ten minutes. High Ho Kola hits strong, hard and fast and will turn mental fatigue and depression on its head. I was very chilled out and content on this strain — with a great head buzz and body high, coupled with the lowering of a very relaxed veil of serenity.
After I finished clearing the pipe, I just sat happily tripping for hours on this. It made me deeply nostalgic — fondly recalling all the good, bad and crazy memories from high school. A box of Kleenex might be required if you let this strain carry you away into deep reflection. Sometimes it’s nice to let a powerful weed strain like this overtake your thoughts and ride them into the sunset. Maybe that’s why they called it ‘High Ho Kola.’
If you have a specific task that requires focus, I would recommend a different strain; I didn’t feel very creative or productive (and instantly forgot what I was doing). But my stress levels dropped remarkably, and my physical pain was reduced more than any strain of marijuana I’ve ever tried. I do not say that lightly. High Ho Kola has a strong onset and no noticeable creep; it takes you there right away…and the dreamy high lasts a solid two hours.
Sitting down at my desk after a long weekend of doing shit and looking down the barrel of a Monday can get a guy down. Luckily, I get to come home to work on this colossal sized nug of Kolasaurus!
After seeing some of the good, the dank and the ditch weed the 405 is pumping out, I can safely say the product presented here is certifiably able to improve your day. Word is the master grower is a former NFL player from Duncan, Oklahoma, who came down from heaven to bless us with some grade-A grow — and boy howdy did he!
The prehistoric smell of über danky earth tones encapsulated in a shimmer of caramel makes this caveman’s mouth water. Whatever processes they used here cured the bud to perfection, with a firm yet leafy bud — not too dry or crumbly — that broke up with ease and released more of the sweet cola smell, while retaining all the trichome shine.
Using my log bong, a wonderfully smooth inhale/exhale takes me to a plane of rounded contemplation and self reflection, opening doors within myself and allowing creativity to fill my life with meaning and truth…or something more profound that I can’t quite convey with the limitation of words. Kolasaurus is a heady strain that will get you ruminating upon your day/week/year and looking upon it with understanding and wisdom from beyond the haze.
I would call this strain, transcendent.
Crown Kola, I learned, is a proprietary version of Bleu Cheese, and I was stoked to dive on into it. The bud was pristine in its appearance and glittered brighter than Quavo’s teeth — and that’s really saying something.
I’ve been on great terms with Mary Jane and her cousins for around six years or so, and I must say: this strain was in a league of its own.
Being the pretentious and tragically hip youngster I am, I started off by giving the flower a good ol’ whiff. To my surprise, the scent took me back to somewhere more familiar than here: Underneath the Georgia pines. It was a clean, fresh scent, and I very much so enjoyed it.
After throwing on some Father John Misty and pouring a cool glass of Makers Mark on the rocks, I ground the large, sticky nug that awaited me.
The taste from the initial rip was smoother than the aforementioned glass of whiskey but packed an earthy, pure taste that turned my mellow mental state to bliss.
Having taken in a sizable dose with my first rip, I sat back and surveyed the effects it began to have upon me. The familiar feeling of floating came rushing boldly forward, as my thoughts became clouded by the indica-dominant powers at work.
This was some good shit.
Once I’d fully taken in the effects of my initial encounter with the loaded bowl of top-shelf bud, I desired to reach the point of no return with my new friend, Crown Kola.
Firmly gripping my bowl, I jumped headfirst into what would become a two-hour episode of couch-lock, munchies and nothing but the freshest of vibes.
This is some really good shit.