7 Great Oklahoma Holiday Parties to Crash While Stoned

Tonight, all the writers, podcasters, trivia hosts, Cardboard Jim Trabers and other hangers-on who work with the black-sheep Ogles are going bowling. It’s our annual holiday thing. Can you imagine such a collection of freaks, geeks, contrarians and pot-heads! Sorry you can’t come, but we have wayyyy too much fun to share. However, as a public service of sorts, we found a few other holiday parties in Oklahoma that would be perfect to crash…stoned.

Easy Holiday Treats Party [Adult]

Dec. 17 | Not only is the adults-only label for this event so intriguing, it will culminate in complete abandonment of self to the fulfillment of munchies! They want to teach adults only to “make several kinds of easy holiday treats…sure to make any holiday get together fantastic.” Sounds like what they really mean is, “Let’s get together and make some edibles sure to help us survive any holiday get together.” I mean, the invitation has plants on it.

Furr’s Fresh Buffet Celebrates the Holidays with Guests

Dec. 24 & 25 | This is not a joke, this is a dare. Grab your favorite stoner friend, hotbox until you can’t see straight, and lazily stroll right in to any participating Furr’s Fresh Buffet and Get. Your. Money’s. Worth.

Silk PJ’s & Lingerie Mansion Party

Dec. 20 | Another adults-only party. Here’s what we know: “This is a grown and sexy affair.” With a buffet! Kinda weird but great for stoners. Prizes for the sexiest lingerie attire (or some other objectification). Red flags are flying, here. They want you of legal age; they want you in lingerie; and they want to give the ladies alcoholic beverages (and possibly rohypnol) on the house. What else could this be but a sex holiday party with a buffet! You can tell everyone you only crashed it for the food.

Pancakes with Santa

Dec. 18 | I need to be up-front about something, here: You are going to have to go to an elementary school in Cashion to crash this one. But you get breakfast for dinner! What more perfect thing for a hungry stoner with munchie mania than PANCAKES! You’re too woke to sit on that fat bastard’s lap and daydream aloud, anyway. So, forget Santa. And the kids, frankly. Like so many times in your life, you are only here for the food.

Canna Blessed Community Christmas Party

Dec. 14 | Imagine all the cannabis cuties you’ll meet, while you’re high af, swaying ever so slowly to the live music. There will be a private indoor area for patients to medicate. Done. Sold. Naturally, they will provide munchies to the stoned people (what kind of monsters wouldn’t?). Also gift bags to the first 100 humans through the door, giveaways, games, prizes and whatnot.

High Tea December Series

Dec. 14 & 21 | You’ll need some of that Kola bud to be high enough to crash this holiday party. It’s a tea sesh at The Skirvin. Honestly, it will be a little awkward at first — especially since your tea smells like skunk — but those darling elderly ladies clutching their pearls have the marketing person at The Skirvin to blame: In Oklahoma, “high tea” has a different meaning to 5% of the population.

The Oklahoman’s Celebration of Jesus and Trump

24/7, 365 | Just kidding! That’s not a holiday party; that’s all day, every day in the ever-dwindling pages of the newspaper they sometimes deliver, sometimes don’t. If this were a real thing, you could find out all about it…if only you could get past that paywall.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *