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These Oklahoma Dispensary Names Are Just Nuts! (Vol. 1)

According to OMMA’s January Applications & Licensing Report, there are 2,242 dispensaries approved to do business in Oklahoma. The list is long — 133 pages long — and listed in order by city, which seemed weird.

As my eyes scanned over the tidy document, the most outrageous, hilarious dispensary names began to scream out to me! These could not be actual dispensaries, I thought! Maybe some people just got really, really high and registered some wild, random-ass shit? That would be a devastating high-shopping event. We should take a Happy Ogle road trip to find out more about these rabblerousers!


420 Riding Dirty Enterprises

Jeez homie, you trying to be a little edgy? Were you listing to that chamillionaire song whilst smoking a blunt and spitballing? I imagine this place to be operated by a half-baked employee sippin’ Lean, who doesn’t show me the numbers as he’s weighing out my eighth that gets placed into a used container.

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Little Dixie

Bullet ridden signs, rocking chairs and a spittoon adorn the outside of this shed converted into a dispensary. I imagine. With Joe-Bob and his cousin Bobbie-Jo running the place, I’m sure the South will get high again.

EF5 Inc.

You think this is a game, son? My friend’s baby momma’s auntie’s cousin’s trailer got blown away in a tornado. Moore is known to me as a semipermanent disaster area, due to the tornadoes that have recently hit or will hit very soon. For shame!


Flippin Farms of Bartlesville

Bartlesville is home to the Price Tower designed by Frank Loyd Wright and also this new agrarian abomination. I guess they get points for alliteration, but Bartlesville’s best businesses better boot this blunder of a barn burner.

The Sticky Nickle

This has to be one of those guys who just knows that recreational pot is coming around the corner and this is going to be the best smoke bar around. Fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand.


Bloominati

Run by lizard people, this place must be frequented by conspiracy theorists and militia groups stocking up on AK-47 for the eventual fall of the gub’ment and the martial law that follows. This name is definitely not an homage to Bloom Coyne — we know this because of the distinct lack of rainbows and sunbeams and sparkles.


Lost in the Sauce

Yes, this is an actual dispensary. Just what I’m the hell are they trying to accomplish here? Isn’t this more of a negative drinking adage? I don’t know anyone who calls weed, sauce! Maybe they’re trying to start up a THC-infused hot sauce company, so you can get smoked whilst your mouth burns.


K’s Great Escape

I’m not sure, but this seems less like a dispensary and more like a try-to-escape-the-room business. It could work! Build the mystery of who took the stash and locked you in a room with a bunch of high people who will not be any help with trying to find clues. Surprise! It was your own dumb self.

Uncle Skunk has not seen the last of the oddball dispensary names. Just 130 pages to go…

According to OMMA’s January Applications & Licensing Report, there are 2,242 dispensaries approved to do business in Oklahoma. The list is long — 133 pages long — and listed in order by city, which seemed weird.

As my eyes scanned over the tidy document, the most outrageous, hilarious dispensary names began to scream out to me! These could not be actual dispensaries, I thought! Maybe some people just got really, really high and registered some wild, random-ass shit? That would be a devastating high-shopping event. We should take a Happy Ogle road trip to find out more about these rabblerousers!


420 Riding Dirty Enterprises

Jeez homie, you trying to be a little edgy? Were you listing to that chamillionaire song whilst smoking a blunt and spitballing? I imagine this place to be operated by a half-baked employee sippin’ Lean, who doesn’t show me the numbers as he’s weighing out my eighth that gets placed into a used container.


Little Dixie

Bullet ridden signs, rocking chairs and a spittoon adorn the outside of this shed converted into a dispensary. I imagine. With Joe-Bob and his cousin Bobbie-Jo running the place, I’m sure the South will get high again.

EF5 Inc.

You think this is a game, son? My friend’s baby momma’s auntie’s cousin’s trailer got blown away in a tornado. Moore is known to me as a semipermanent disaster area, due to the tornadoes that have recently hit or will hit very soon. For shame!


Flippin Farms of Bartlesville

Bartlesville is home to the Price Tower designed by Frank Loyd Wright and also this new agrarian abomination. I guess they get points for alliteration, but Bartlesville’s best businesses better boot this blunder of a barn burner.

The Sticky Nickle

This has to be one of those guys who just knows that recreational pot is coming around the corner and this is going to be the best smoke bar around. Fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand.


Bloominati

Run by lizard people, this place must be frequented by conspiracy theorists and militia groups stocking up on AK-47 for the eventual fall of the gub’ment and the martial law that follows. This name is definitely not an homage to Bloom Coyne — we know this because of the distinct lack of rainbows and sunbeams and sparkles.


Lost in the Sauce

Yes, this is an actual dispensary. Just what I’m the hell are they trying to accomplish here? Isn’t this more of a negative drinking adage? I don’t know anyone who calls weed, sauce! Maybe they’re trying to start up a THC-infused hot sauce company, so you can get smoked whilst your mouth burns.


K’s Great Escape

I’m not sure, but this seems less like a dispensary and more like a try-to-escape-the-room business. It could work! Build the mystery of who took the stash and locked you in a room with a bunch of high people who will not be any help with trying to find clues. Surprise! It was your own dumb self.

Uncle Skunk has not seen the last of the oddball dispensary names. Just 130 pages to go…

Uncle Skunk
tOkie born, tOkie bred and when I’m high, I’m tOkie dead.

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