My eyes are only a little bit sore after scouring almost 40 pages of 10-point Times New Roman type (thanks, OMMA). Luckily, I smoked some of that stuff Melissa wrote about, and it fixed me right up! I will not rest until I’ve uncovered every single fantastically weird dispensary in Oklahoma (or Patrick decides to replace me with some other family mammal; I’m looking at you, Cousin Daug). You still won’t believe the crazy and semi-legal names people come up with!
Saint Jane Cannabis Club
Followers of the Patron Saint of pot heads dressed in green habits greet you at the door, to create a high and holy atmosphere for even the most religious of the buckle of the Bible Belt. Maybe this dispensary will turn into First United Marajunautians and start helping the homeless?
Weed Works 4 U
Weed Works for me, and Weed Works for 4 U, so stop on by and come get high! There’s your jingle, start your business. Maybe get one of the Millennial budtenders to design an actual logo with words (and numbers)?
Wayne’s World Dispensary
Wayne’s World, Wayne’s World! Lawsuit Time, Excellent! Weedily weedily woo! Seriously guys, I hope you’re ready for Mike Myers to hire a copyright attorney that specializes in copyrights to come sue your ass for copyright infringement and poor use of a good intellectual property. I don’t remember any marijuana references in the entire movie so why attach? Maybe there’ll be a white Stratocaster for me to play a stairway on.
405 Gas Station 2
The fact that an old gas station got turned into a dispensary named Gas Station isn’t the funny thing; it’s that someone tuned an old gas station into a dispensary so successfully they had to open another location. I guess it goes to show that good service transcends a bad name.
Ounce Upon a Time
I love a good pun, and this one is bad enough to be told by my bud Zev. I know having a license to sell weed is a dream come true, and I hope they run with it. Decorate the interior similar to the Norman Medieval Fair with castle walls and a stockade, while dressing your employees in the most fashionable tights, tunics and boots. Wait did I just describe an OU sorority girl outfit?
Gram Central Station Dispensary
Oops, did we use the logo of the original Gram Central Station Dispensary in Oregon? Hard to tell with all the copycats and the out-of-state buy-ins and “rebranding.” If the Middle Ages aren’t your style, maybe this steampunk themed one will fill your imagination with the wonder of what actually happens on the heartland flyer. The train always arrives at 4:20 for a Sir Topham Hatt lookalike to ring the happy hour bell.
Stoned 4 Survival
Damn, this name sounds like an 18-year-old who just moved out of his parents house to his friend’s parents’ basement and started a stoner rock band. Here come the bong hits and long riffs! Please do not mention this dispensary to Steve Lackmeyer. We do not want him to know that some medical marijuana patients are actually just trying to get stoned.