Report: Dumpster Divers Vex Oklahoma Dispensaries!

Wow, times are tough out there on the mean streets of the two largest cities in Oklahoma. Local hysterians and story fluffers KFOR have the first reports of a new plague of dispensary disasters that has apparently rattled the cannabis community to its core.


While many medical marijuana dispensaries have been targeted by thieves, officials say there is a new problem for some of the businesses.

Employees at some dispensaries in Tulsa say people are actually dumpster diving in search of marijuana scraps.

Having watched the news and laughed as those THC thieves got caught, I wondered how long these observant store owners had been monitoring their trash. Usually, when it gets put out there, it’s not thought of again. I’m no detective, but I’m betting a dozen Hurts Donuts the culprits are either kids or the homeless. Apparently that was on one dispensary owner’s mind as well.

In fact, one business went as far as to put food out because they thought the dumpster divers were hungry.

Aw, that’s sweet. Instead of a knee-jerk reaction of calling the cops or shutting off the supply for the disenfranchised, they take the high road and try to humanize them with actual food and care. That is The Oklahoma Standard! You know, it just goes to show that this red, Jesus-loving state actually reads and heeds the Bible — practices what it preaches! Oh, wait…

One dispensary owner says she has had to put a chain and lock on her dumpster.

Never mind. One dispensary’s trash won’t be another man’s treasure after all.

I’m pretty sure we can chalk up all this hullabaloo to kids being kids…wanting to get high by any means possible. Usually, they stick to approaching me very rapidly in the dispensary parking lot as soon as I exit my vehicle to ask me to score for them. I always laugh them off and Just Say No. But I think we’ve all been there at least once as youngins — looking at an empty baggie on a tray full of castaway stems and thinking, “I bet that’ll get me high.” Damn, those were some of the worst headaches I’d ever endured at that point in my life. Then 2016 rolled around.

Honestly, I don’t have a clue about what could possibly be of value in the dumpster of a dispensary. I imagine broken bongs, used plastic containers…maybe some leftover stems — but nothing in quantities enough to keep me coming back. Who knows, maybe I should take one for Team Tokelahoma and go see for myself?

—Uncle Skunk hopes he doesn’t run into a raccoon.

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