Last Sunday was Easter. It’s not a holiday celebrated in my home, per se, but even godless heathens like to hunt for colorful treats. My hunt took me to Fire Leaf Dispensary in Stockyards City, just a few minutes drive from downtown.
I’ve been leaning harder on smokeless forms of cannabis these days and decided to try the Gummi Bites from Outlaw Edibles. These guys are Cannabis Cup winners — and I already knew I loved their Happy Sap — so it seemed a smart selection for a happy, sunny Sunday. It was a choice I did not regret.
Outlaw Edibles Gummi Bites at a Glance
Product Type: Edibles (gummy triangles)
Manufacturer: Outlaw Edibles
Allergens: Ingredients free from gelatin, wheat gluten, soy, eggs, tree nuts and peanuts, oh my!
Strength: 25mg THC per piece – available in 5-pack and 10-pack jars of mixed flavors
Flavors: Cherry, blue raspberry, grape, watermelon, lemon
When I returned home, the first thing I did was peek inside the jar of treats, which definitely smelled like weed. The brightly colored triangular gummies glistened with sugar crystals; I selected a grape one and popped the whole 25mg Gummi Bite into my mouth. This might be a good time to mention something: I wouldn’t say I have the THC tolerance of a horse but definitely a mid-size farm animal. Only you know your own limits, but most would do well to start with a ½ or even a ¼ of a piece.
The texture was pleasingly firm. As I chewed it slowly, I was surprised to find that despite its appearance, the treat was not overly sweet. The taste of cannabis was definitely present but not overpowering.
After about 40 minutes, I noticed my body felt decidedly relaxed. No couch-lock lethargy — just a smooth, calming sensation melting its way down my body. Care-free, baby!
An hour in, I started to pontificate on how I might determine with any reasonable credibility just how high I was. Although this was a sign in and of itself, I settled on the following personal litmus test: Would I be able to read the part in Orwell’s 1984 where the ultimate aim of Newspeak, Duckspeak is revealed to Winston, without suffering a crippling bout of existential dread and déjà vu? The answer was, Yes, Beth, you are very fucking high. One look in the mirror confirmed it.
Would I be able to read the part in Orwell’s 1984 where the ultimate aim of Newspeak, Duckspeak is revealed to Winston, without suffering a crippling bout of existential dread and déjà vu?
Time lost some of its meaning around the two-hour mark, but my mind was razor sharp; I was thinking about my life and loves in a different way. The munchies were hitting hard, too, but I was too interested in my own thoughts to do anything about it. It was around this point in my high that I did something I may deeply regret:
I asked my husband of 27 years to “teach me football.” WTF?
Outlaw Edibles Gummi Bites did steal my heart and will no doubt steal yours. I recommend these for an expanded mind and a lightness of being. My one complaint: They should come with a warning label: MAY CAUSE DANGEROUS LEVELS OF SENTIMENTALITY AND GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT.
Then again, maybe we could all use a little more of that.
—Beth likes to eat weed and consider planetary affairs.