It’s Memorial Day, a somber holiday that also marks the unofficial start of summer and the end of the parental horror known as “distance learning.” This year, we have COVID-19, shitty weather and 7 ideas to make Memorial Day memorable anyway.
1. Have an indoor sausage party.
Hamburger meat is an astronomical $5.00/lb for the greasy stuff, so I predict most will be having wiener-only cookouts. I suggest mixing it up with some chicken sausage and brats — classy wieners but still budget-friendly. Nobody has money to waste when there’s so much weed to buy.
2. Blow this week’s $600 COVID cash on weed.
…as if you weren’t going to anyway. If you’re like me, unemployed, getting paid $600 a week by the feds and unsure if you should be, you might be stockpiling the cash in case they want it back. Maybe now is the time to cash one of those fat checks and restock your stash. It’s always fun visiting the dispensary, and Memorial Day sales are abundant.
3. Go to Kong’s, find out if Coronavirus is real.
Home of the Rohypnol-Jameson Cocktail f/t Cocaine Rim (and some of the planet’s biggest douchebags), Kong’s is so progressive it was a gross cesspool way before the global pandemic. If there’s a place conducive to breeding Coronavirus, it’s Kong’s in Midtown OKC. So, put your health where your social media rant is, and spend Memorial Day hanging around this place licking cocaine residue off the toilet! They open at 2 p.m. on Mondays.
4. Storm-watch in your swimsuit.
If your Memorial Day hopes and dreams included being scantily clothed soaking up Vitamin D in the sunshine, that dream, too, is crushed today. So roll with the punches. Wear the swimsuit anyway, and spend the day in the front yard watching the storms roll in. With a little merry jane, you might even dance in the rain.
5. Pack up and move.
With so many Oklahomans out of work or underemployed, some might find themselves moving this holiday weekend. I happen to be one of those. Roll a big fat joint and charge the pens, it’s going to be a long fucking day.
6. Make star spangled edibles.
You don’t have to go full Eeyore today just because it’s dreary and the world is ending. Bake up some red, white and blue cosmic rice crispy treats. Croctopus showed us a simple way to make cannabutter — the rest is child’s play. Just throw that shit in a box-mix and see what magic unfolds. Or use our resident edibles expert’s cereal bar recipe. Parents, be sure to store your cosmic goodies in a childproof container. Going to jail on Memorial Day would suck.
7. Pay your respects.
Burgers, bud, beer and brats are nice, but honoring the lives of those who died serving our country is what Memorial Day is about. Maybe go to the cemetery and pay your respects in the rain. l find cemeteries creepy and disturbing, but most people probably find it creepy and disturbing that my father-in-law (RIP) sits above our TV in the living room in a container. To each their own.
However you spend today, spend it with love. Life is short.
—Weed Mom is Happy for summer and the endless, wondrous opportunities to enjoy nature (and toke along the way).