If you are one of the top 5% of Oklahomans, you recently got an email alerting you to recalled batches of Moon Mix vape cartridges. They were recalled because the flower was sprayed with an evil and deadly fungicide.
News 9 did a funny little story on it entitled, Bad Medicine. They of course outlined the worst case scenario:
“Some of these pesticides we’re talking about when heating up and vaporized turn to hydrogen cyanide gas which could kill you,” said attorney Collin Rockett.
Thank you, Mr. Rockett, for that science lesson. I think I’ll continue to stick to bud grown organically in living soil, the way Kola Organics does. Someone should have told Moon Mix LLC and its grow partner that if you have to use all kinds of pesticides, fungicides and grow-enhancers to get decent plants, you should probably not be in the marijuana medicine business. All that nonsense seems like cheating, and I don’t want that shit in my body.
The list below isn’t safe for consumption, either, but is probably safer than Moon Mix batches #154 and #158:
1. Brake Cleaner
Oilfield workers all over this great state have been using it for years to get their fix and getting their employers to pay for it. Pop some in your pen and see what happens. I can’t imagine a brake cleaner high is the kind of high I’m looking for, but you do you.
2. Crude Oil
We need to use more oil to drive up the price and save Oklahoma, right? Why not put it in our vape pens and give it a go. Surely using crude oil and marijuana together can pull our economy out of the crapper. The thought of vaping crude oil makes me feel like those poor mammoths stuck in the tar pits.
3. Natural Gas
Oil not your thing? Try the cleaner alternative: Natural gas vaping!
4. Essential Oils
It would be awesome to simultaneously walk around the house vaping and also leaving each room smelling fresh. Instead of like an overly sweet mango.
5. Hand Sanitizer
If you are like me, this stuff is everywhere already. Let’s put some in the vape and find out what happens. Hand sanitizer has become so popular since COVID-19 that some distilleries have begun making it for a variety of reasons. Bonus, their alcoholic customers finally get a good reason to smell like booze all day.
Stitt bought $2 million worth basically on a whim to treat COVID patients, and now it’s not even recommended to treat COVID patients. So Okies need to do something with it. Well, stoners to the rescue again! Grind up those tablets, mix with extra virgin olive oil and vape it so we don’t get malaria on our hikes.
7. COVID-19 Vaccine
Trust in government ruined, I’m unsure I would want to be guinea pig for the COVID vaccine. That being said, vaping any vaccine would probably be better than a giant needle in your ass or a cyanide vape cart in your mouth.
—Weed Mom is thankful OMMA’s system of checks and balances ultimately worked in this case (but it seems obvious it needs to work better and faster).