7 Proposed Rebrands for Moon Mix LLC, Oklahoma’s Poison Pushers

Inglorious marijuana processors Moon Mix LLC knowingly sold us poisoned medicine“flagrant” and “willful” violations, according to the Oklahoma Medical Marijuana Authority, who shut them down and fined them a cool $541,000.

But there’s more to the Moon Mix story! There is always more to the story when News 9 investigates, promotes coronavirus super spreader events or gives us thinly veiled propaganda.

Via News 9:

The OMMA said Moon Mix also bought out of state products and sold to family and friends which is illegal.

Turns out Moon Mix didn’t just taint our medicine (hello, cyanide!)… they took the time and effort to source illegal but won’t-kill-you weed for family and friends. Mobster nepotism at its best!

So, what are these sneaky, Edmond-based assholes going to do with all the crappy, soot-colored, cotton-core vape cartridges leftover in their garage? I suspect a rebrand involving a complex and opaque series of entities and holding companies.

Watch out for these 7 potential Moon Mix rebrand-names coming your way. Pro Tip: If your Pineapple Express cart tastes more like Carrot Express…and you get bumps and blisters in your mouth, you found the rebrand and your prize is a prayer you don’t die.

1. Saturn Cyanide

Rebranding can be expensive; sticking with the solar theme could save them some money. I think ‘Saturn Cyanide’ has a nice ring to it.

2. Meksula’s Medicine

This dude is Bad Medicine. News 9 should Google the people they want us to feel sorry for before putting them on the air. I’ll say this, Sometimes karma comes in a form you least expect. Too bad the blisters were on his mouth.

3. Stick Icky Vapes

Let the consumer know what they are getting into. Most Moon Mix carts leak about half the tainted concentrate out, leaving a sticky mess. Be honest about that part and maybe you’ll get a few dummies to purchase two before the new company is also shut down.

4. Dollar Marijuana

Moon Mix was already the bottom of the bottom-shelf product. Why not rebrand using the distinctive Dollar name? Family Dollar, Dollar General, The Dollar Store. The good news is whatever the new endeavor is named, it won’t be around long enough to get sued for trademark infringement.

5. Uranus

Because their product is shit and they can still use their stupid outer space theme.

6. Puff The Magic Pesticides

Sell that shit! Who knows where those pesticides will take you! Sure, there are the annoying ‘my body is a temple’ types — they are not the key demographic, here. This product line will be marketed to meth-heads and other thrill-seekers who enjoy the uncertain high only toxic, potentially-deadly chemicals can provide.

7. Chazzer Carts

Pronounced “HHHHAAAA’-zah!” — and best said by a spitting-mad Tony Montoya (or sore-mouthed ex-Moon Mix vaper). If you’re gonna be a pig who don’t fly straight, fucking own it.

—Weed Mom bets the Moon Mix monsters are probably in their garage right now, tokin’ on a Denver nugget and plotting which of these seven rebrands is the winner.

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