I was 42 years old when my husband — whose adventurous life has seen him hunted through the woods of Washington and bombed in Saudi Arabia — announced his very serious new goal: He was now an “aspiring pothead.”
Jesus Christ, I thought, as I sipped my red wine, This should be interesting.
And it has been. Like any good adventure, it’s nice to have a sidekick. I did it for him. I embraced medical marijuana tepidly at first. Would it change me from a driven, sharp-tongued, A-personality lioness into a Jeff Spicoli with boobs?
Here are 6 ways medical marijuana has made me a better person…and one way it has not.
1. I think more (and more deeply and weirdly).
Imagine not considering the world through rose-colored glasses but considering the rose through world-colored glasses. I neither wear glasses nor am particularly concerned with the rose, but you get my point.
The flip-side of this gift of seeing the world anew and with deep, loving thoughts of the human race and its potential fates is that, sometimes, the obvious eludes you. Total embarrassment.
2. Snow White-level interest in the personal lives of birds and squirrels.
I love animals. I don’t even eat them! But if I’m honest, I never really gave a shit about the social constructs or happiness of my backyard wildlife and definitely did not understand how Thoreau could laze away the day watching ants by Walden pond.
Now I do. The drama is real. And so is the joy. How did I never notice and appreciate all this life around me!
3. Leveled up kitchen game.
Ya’ll know what I’m talking about! Whether a snack or a six-course meal, something about god’s good green gives me excellent ideas about unconventional combinations of foods and textures. Sometimes it’s just, Let’s put *two* stacks of onion rings on that burger! Still a level up.
I also now only use authentic Pho spoons as measurement tools in recipes. That was a highdea that has served me well.
“Delicious cashew alfredo sauce, Beth, what is your secret?”
“My secret is three heaping Pho spoonfuls of Red Star Nutritional Yeast.”
4. I play with my little one.
Big fucking deal, you might think. Like, what monster doesn’t play with their kids? This one! I was far too busy with the important business of being the opposite of my mom and earning the validation of a phantom father. Truthfully, I did not know how to play.
But now I do! This was a lesson learned too late for my grown children, who will or are at this very moment discussing me with their shrinks. That regret does not stop me seizing present day to make forts, do floor acrobatics, play UNO, draw…or just sit around talking and listening to music.
5. I sleep better and laugh more.
Technically that is two things, but I do what I want. I was born a hot mess, and daily cannabis use has not changed my DNA. But it has definitely made me more quick to smile and more quick to sleep. No prescription drug has ever helped me drift off so effortlessly and awake so clear.
6. Less fucks to give.
I should probably source a personal photo to illustrate how marijuana has left me with less fucks to give, but I don’t give a fuck about that. I have a shower to take and a Happy husband and kid to play with.
…Andddd one way it has not:
1. Less fucks to give.
I should probably have sourced a personal photo to illustrate #6 above about how marijuana has left me with less fucks to give, but I don’t give a fuck about that. I have a shower to take and a Happy husband and kid to play with.