I’ve always wanted the power, privilege and honor of naming an Oklahoma town something totally outrageous — like “Skunkonia,” “Bongsville” or “Weedom isn’t Free.” Just something to signify that you have the right to remain weird, and anything you say can and will be put on the internet.
Maybe one day…until then I found some Oklahoma towns that already have names that sound like the drug fueled highdeas of our stoned age forefathers. Take a look — or better yet, visit these nearing ghost towns, and see if you catch my drift…
While “atoka” is a Choctaw word roughly translating to “ball ground,” this town was named in honor of Captain Atoka, a leader of the Choctaw Nation and the signer of the Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek. We’re sure after he was done negotiating that treaty with an American government that never goes back on its word, Atoka needed A-toka the finest green this side of the Mississippi.
2. Cloud Creek
This place sounds like what middle school kids would call the little stream where they go to smoke their ditch weed on lunch breaks. Seriously, the only thing more juvenile would be to rename the town Cocksburg, lower the drinking age to 15 and invite Governor Eyebrows to come on down for a rodeo, where he can show off his riding skills. Ain’t that some bullStitt. You smell what I’m stepping in, brother?
Off by one fucking letter! Who wouldn’t want to pop a few Bubba Kush gummies, sip on a Purple Kush drank and smoke on an OG Kush blunt in Kushing? Triple-K fun in Kushing…oh wait, don’t they already have that? I’m not saying every small town in Oklahoma has a group of racists in their midst…nah, I am. Fuck Klansman in their stupid assholes, which are brown I’ll bet!
Aside from Cookie Monster, the only person more interested in cookies is a stoner. Imagine it…a whole town filled with nothing but cookies! Even the church is made of cookies. Expect to see Bakedcheetostown on an Oklahoma map near you…if Weed Mom has anything to say about it.
You’ve probably heard the name, but I’ve been there (i.e., drove through it super fast). Nothing too funny here besides the name; just showing some love to a small town that reminds me of going hunting with my Native grandfather and eating a raw dove heart, straight from the kill. I bullshit a little on here, but that one’s for real folks.
You have to admit, “Gotebo” sounds like some weird utterance you’d spin through your brain on high until it deconstructed and lost all of the meaning it never had in the first place. Not every highdea is a good one.
This ghost town even has its own brand. Imagine that! “Lehigh” sounds like French fur trappers got lost and ended up in Oklahoma only to discover that it’s the perfect climate to grow marijuana. When asked why they would want to move to such a godforsaken place, their only reply was, “Vee deed eet for le high.” Thus, a town was born.
7. Stoney Point
As inventive as the smoke-friendly apartment complex in Norman named “Stoneridge” (band name, called it!), this town — which may or may not be known outside the Census Bureau — looks about as appealing as riding the Bricktown Trolley. Remember that disaster? When it feels hopeless, like there is nowhere to go and nothing to do, area teens (if there are any) will always have Stoney Point.
—Uncle Skunk is a devout GonzoloPastaRastafarian