My medical marijuana usage is pretty tame by most accounts. Usually, I just like to post up on the couch with my dog and my girlfriend, put on a movie, cartoons, or some silly YouTube videos, and just chill out until I’m ready to fall asleep.
However, here is a list of five okies that I would let inside my cozy weed bubble to share a joint with.
1. Ron Howard
I guess I looked a little bit like Ron Howard when I was a kid, because everyone called me Opie. Which was fine, because I too liked throwing rocks on the way to the fishin’ hole. But I don’t want to talk to Ron about that. I want to talk to him about Willow.
That’s right, the 1988 fantasy written by George Lucas and staring Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer. What’s it like to direct for George? Is Val Kilmer really that weird? Was it hard to keep track of brownies? Speaking of brownies, does he want a medicated one?
2. Brad Pitt
One of my favorite Quentin Tarantino movies is True Romance. Quentin didn’t direct it but he did write True Romance, so I’m counting it. This movie had everything! Guns, cocaine, Balki Bartokomous, and a bong made out of a honey bear by stoner roommate, Floyd…I mean Brad Pitt.
I’m assuming Brad made that himself, and it just happened to make it on screen. I heard he’s into sculpture now, so that’s like proof that he made it or something. Either way, maybe we could do a sculpting collab on a 6-foot tall bear statue you can smoke weed out of. Worst case, we can use the OSO bear.
3. Rick Bayless
I’m not interested in talking sports with some ding dong who thinks yelling is making a point. That’s why I didn’t pick Skip to smoke with. No, I want to smoke with the man who is going to fill me up with some delicious duck carnitas or some wild mushroom queso fundido. Plus, maybe I can get some pointers for how to get Cooking with the Croctopus going again during the COVID times.
4. Megan Mullally
Have you ever been stoned around your crush? Well I haven’t; that’s why I put Megan on this list. I have had a crush on her since Will and Grace that has only grown with every single thing I’ve seen her in. I don’t even know what I would talk to her about, but I imagine she’d make me laugh so hard I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Maybe she’ll bring Nick and we can all do a puzzle. That sounds nice.
5. Bill Hader
Another person who you would assume is on this list because of the laughter he would bring, but Bill is on this list for a different reason. I think it would be cool to talk about our battles with anxiety.
A while back, Bill opened up about his anxiety and panic attacks in a video meant for kids who are also dealing with it. When I saw that, I was already working on managing my own anxiety, but I didn’t know how I developed it or even how long I had been experiencing it. In his video he talks about experiencing it as a kid, and it sounded like he was describing me when I was in elementary school.
I don’t know, maybe we could share some coping strategies and a joint. And then maybe when we are chilled out, we can recreate this scene from Pineapple Express and have some flapjacks.