7 Ways Oklahoma Could Have Saved Recreational Marijuana

As if 2020 wasn’t already going super shitty, Tulsa World reported Friday that the petition to legalize adult-use / recreational marijuana in Oklahoma has been officially withdrawn:

“proponents of State Question 807 … say collecting the 177,958 signatures necessary to qualify for the ballot is unfeasible given the COVID-19 pandemic.“

That seems like a quitter’s attitude to me! So much is on the line — not just weed for all grownups but sweeping social justice reforms that would go a long way to help our brothers and sisters behind bars for bullshit.

Let’s see what Ryan Kiesel — freedom fighter, former state legislator, immediate past Executive Director of ACLU Oklahoma and force of nature behind SQ 807 — has to say for himself:

“We have been put in a position of choosing between attempting to give Oklahomans an opportunity to adopt critical marijuana and criminal justice law reforms or protecting the health of ourselves and our fellow Oklahomans,” said SQ 807 backer Ryan Kiesel. “As necessary as these reforms are for Oklahoma, we cannot in good conscience embark on a campaign that would require hundreds of thousands of interactions in the midst of a global pandemic.”

We were too lazy to dial up Mr. Kiesel ourselves and give him a piece of our minds, so we are going the passive-aggressive route!

Here are seven ideas for how SQ 807 could have been successful — if only a certain someone wasn’t droning on and on about the health and safety of fellow Oklahomans:

1. Dispensaries

This seems obvious. Did you know there are currently 329,764 active patient licenses? I’m sure not all license-holders will sign and not all dispensaries are pro-SQ 807, but that’s okay — I have six more things on my list!

2. Public Schools

I mean they’re safe to be open right? Each school has at least 200 pot head parents. That is a fact I just made up (hey, it works for a Trump)! Volunteer to walk the car line and ask for signatures. It takes a couple days to catch everybody.

3. High School Football Games

I’m not sure how many of these will happen, but under the Friday night lights would be a great place to get signatures in Oklahoma. Just put the clipboard at the concession stand; no pens. They can sign their names in mustard. A better place might be little league sporting events, since OSSAA isn’t overly concerned about pesky Covid-positive participants.

4. Mega Churches

Remind folks in BOLD (Comic Sans) font at the top of the petition that GOD GAVE MAN EVERY HERB-YIELDING SEED, AND BY GOD, NO ONE WILL TAKE OUR RIGHTS! This same approach would work at Lazy-E Arena, but that’s too gross to even joke about. Given how many of us prayed for the day weed would be legal, it makes sense to gather signatures at church.

5. Tumbleweed Dance Hall & Concert Arena

Recently Tumbleweed hosted Weedstock, so they clearly don’t care about the GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Hand the bouncer a clip board, pen, a can of Lysol…and run away! They can take care of the rest for the weekend. FYI, Weedstock doesn’t have anything to do with Weed. But a good promoter could get around that little inconvenience. This strategy would work well pretty much anywhere in Stillwater.

6. OnCue

OnCue is Weed Mom’s favorite place to get Baked Cheetos — since 7-Eleven is obviously on any decent pot user’s boycott list. Grab your clipboard, mask, Clorox wipes, hundreds of Lost Ogle ink pens and head out. OnCue has those fancy picnic tables that are almost six feet wide, so you can physically distance yourself from the petition signers. Keep the pen, friend!

7. Online

Since Covid, I’ve signed legally-binding paperwork online to: put my house on the market; accept an offer on my house; pay taxes; sign a lease on an apartment; enroll two kids in school; sign many, many Covid waivers — but we’re still using pens, paper and carrier pigeons to carry out our civic duties? Bullshit. Fight the power.

Ryan Kiesel speaks during a Black Lives Matter rally in Oklahoma City, 2016 | by Garett Fisbeck

We are so grateful to Ryan Kiesel and all Oklahomans who are fighting the good fight for full legalization, decriminalization and justice. ??

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