After the shenanigans I saw on the news this weekend, it’s obvious some of you girls need to take a goddamn T-break and evaluate where your lives are heading. No one was injured in either Girls Gone Wild on Weed police chase, so we can all poke fun now.
But don’t forget, friends: Driving under the influence is some superdumb shit.
Exhibit A
Woman accused of driving while high on pot, allegedly does some dancing after pulled over https://t.co/64wQJat9O4
— KFOR (@kfor) September 18, 2020
First up is Lady Gaddis, an Edmond woman who was just out for a nice little drive — apparently too slowly and with confusion as to which lane she intended to be in. It really got good when the cops decided to pull her over. Via KFOR:
“Gaddis allegedly sped up and ran a red light as she flashed the officer a peace sign.”
She didn’t want anybody ruining her slow-speed joyride. She was having a hell of a time, and it was about to get better. Inside Oklahoma City limits, the po-po used stop-sticks to get her to pull over. But the fun was far from over:
“Police cam footage shows Gaddis doing some dancing before being taken into custody.”
The footage is awesome! I recommend you watch the whole thing. Gaddis is obviously high off her ass and thinks she’s being directed by The Village People to do some version of the Macarena. Unfortunately, her dog was in the car and was promptly taken to animal welfare.
Exhibit B
Enid woman arrested after leading officers on chase, claiming she had to have bowel movement and it was her birthday https://t.co/gCyhHbrnOg
— KFOR (@kfor) September 18, 2020
Next up is Emily Owings. Oh, Ms. Owings, where to begin! KFOR was all over this one, too. This Enid treasure was pulled over for the simplest thing ever: not wearing a seat belt. So dumb. And it’s especially dumb, when you don’t have a license to drive… or insurance… and an outstanding warrant.
Ms. Owings’ only form of identification to present police was a medical marijuana patient card. That had to be awkward. Still, she had more… eh… pressing concerns.
“But I have to poop so bad,” Owings said.
“Where do you think I was going?” the officer asked.
Both the arresting officer and the suspect had to take urgent dumps? What are they feeding people in Enid? Jesus Christ.
Things intensified when Owings found out that when you have warrants out for your arrest and you get pulled over, you get arrested. When informed that Woods County was coming to take her to jail, Owings made it clear she had zero plans to stick around for that shit:
“No they are not!” Owings said. “[Expletive] you guys!”
Guys, I think that expletive was “f*ck.” ? The chase lasted a few blocks — getting up to 70 mph — before Owings decided to stop and surrender. Maybe she realized she could poop when she got to jail or feared she might shit her pants when the officer performed the PIT maneuver.
Either way, she complied, came to her senses and went on to have a completely normal interaction with law enforcement:
“Can I poop in your car, man?” Owings asked.
Well, at least she complied. I’m assuming the cop’s answer was a hard “no,” but maybe they stopped at 7-Eleven on the way and both took shits. The only excuse to be in a 7-Eleven is to shit the place up.
Shocking to no one — and despite having an Oklahoma Medical Marijuana Authority patient license as her only form of ID — the officer found inside Ms. Owings vehicle a pipe containing meth.
—If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of being accused of driving under the influence, we recommend you call DUI attorney John Hunsucker.
