The last time I wrote about how many people were legally getting high in Oklahoma, around 5% of the state had a license to use medical cannabis. To be honest, I assumed the numbers would stay around there. I mean, 5% of an entire state is A LOT, and this is Oklahoma after all.
But I was wrong.
Via Grand Lake News:
“Oklahoma has a new record. The state now has the highest number of marijuana patients per capita of any state with medical patient licenses. There are more than 350,000 patients or, about 9 percent of the state’s population.”
That’s almost one in ten — an explosive rate of growth within the first two years!
I grew up in the Grand Lake area; it’s where I went through puberty and did all that embarrassing teenage stuff we hate ourselves for. Despite my best attempts to forget most of my experiences there, I can’t forget them all, and I do remember that most buildings back then were occupied by either a church or a Mexican restaurant.
I haven’t been back in a few years but apparently, the weed businesses is taking over Grand Lake, and now you can get a pre-roll between your Sunday worship and tacos!
We’ll let Grand Lake News tells us just exactly how overrun their poor town is with the business of cannabis:
“Marijuana sales, production and processing is big business around Grand Lake. There is a total of at least 173 marijuana licensed businesses stretching from Disney to Wyandotte.”
It is wonderful knowing that even the places tainted by the awkward memories of early attempts to talk to girls can be eased by Oklahoma’s cannabis industry!
Of the 173 marijuana businesses in Grand Lake, 128 of them are growing operations! Which makes an odd amount of sense, considering my highschool treated its agriculture department with more reverence than math. It’s nice to know those country kids are still doing what they do best!
The devil’s lettuce has overtaken Grand Lake, and our thoughts and prayers are with the drunk locals annoyed by the coughing and laughing fits that now echo incessantly through the coves.
But it seems to me they are one very important marijuana business short: WHERE IS THE FLOATING DISPENSARY? We looked at a map and could not find one dispensary on the water — or even accessible by boat.
One thing is certain: This is a colossal failure! Whether to blame is Google Maps, a prohibitive law or a dearth of entrepreneurship, Grand Lake should have 174 cannabis businesses, not 173.
On the bright side, you’ll still have a dispensary to hit between making lake-weekend confessions at church and hitting whichever of the 76 Mexican restaurants is your favorite.