Norman Is Suffering a ‘Weedemic’ – We Have the Solution

It hasn’t been the greatest time for Normanites these past few months — what with the Sooners playing like Daug shit and all the strange stuff that went down with the whole Unite Norman thing — it’s a weird time to be an OU fan!

Beating Texas didn’t change shit (don’t be delusional).

I guess the sickness that has befallen the Crimson and Cream has made its way into the collective psyche of its town folk. At least that’s what the folks over at The Norman Transcript are saying:

“According to data from the Oklahoma Tax Commission, local dispensaries remitted $3.19 million in gross revenue in August, a decrease of more than $1 million from July. August also marks the first month since December 2019 that dispensaries remitted less in gross revenue than they did in the previous month.”

I cannot imagine how many ounces of weed one million dollars could buy, but I bet it’s somewhere equal to the amount of money we’ve all been scrimping and saving to get by in these unstable times. With the recent dip in income and jobs, I’ve seriously been reduced to smoking shake to save money and be able to afford to toke.

I don’t want to write some half baked review because I couldn’t afford the good shit, but brighter days are probably ahead. If it’s not abundantly clear to everyone, we will continue to see recession due to the economic impact of the pandemic (and the USA spinning out of control in general), and if it hasn’t hit you yet, it no doubt will.

To add injuries to insults, The Norman Transcript added this frosty bit of icing on this not too tasty cake:

“According to the Oklahoma Medical Marijuana Authority, there are 59 registered dispensaries in Norman as of Oct. 6, marking a decrease from the 72 dispensaries that were registered in March.“

Dang!

Not only are they seeing some historic football loses not felt since 1968, they are beginning to see the receding high water mark of a dispensary on every corner. Just like the vape store crisis of 2014, it looks like Oklahoma’s weedemic is slowly coming to a head.

Gone are the days of a billion places to buy bud and get in on their first-time patient deal, so I’m sure you’ve seen one of your favorite doink joints disappear. Never fear, you bandwagoning bitches! While it may seem bleak, there is still a glimmer of hope in that we may see the schooner flip ride again.

I came up with a solid plan that was practically handed to us by genius Lawrence Cagigal, Southwest territory sales manager for GreenGrowth CPAs in Oklahoma City:

“For the size of Norman, I don’t think it can support 59 dispensaries unless every single college student got their license.”

Aside from having a last name sounds like something you might say as you were choking on a piece of movie theater popcorn (RIP The Warren) it’s likely not the most crazy thing he’s ever said. If every single Sooner got their OMMA card…problem solved! Weedemic over. Time to take one for the team, kids.

I bet we could have a patient drive where we fire the two horses out of a cannon over the statue of the Sower while the Schooner jumped the unconscious body of Top Daug. That would probably get the entire campus population signed up, and we could finally put the misery of these mascots and this year behind us.

Make no mistake, good bud is here to stay in Oklahoma. But the uncertainty of your favorite stores closing their doors is sobering. Shop local and build those relationships with your bud tenders!

—Uncle Skunk says go to OCCC and save money.