A few days ago I was given the Golden opportunity to tour the largest cannabis grow facility in Oklahoma — Stability Cannabis — for a sneak preview of the grand prize in their exciting new contest that kicks off October 16th: Golden Ticket.
I got a ganja-guru-guided walkthrough of Stability’s entire 85,000 square-foot indoor cultivation facility — a la Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory — except replace the chocolate with more weed than you’ve ever seen in your entire life and completely subtract the death and/or disfigurement of several children.
Stability MAY have had Oompa Loompas on the premises; I was too distracted by all the pretty plants to notice.
Thanks to our awesome friends at Stability – proud Happy Ogle sponsor – YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE THE SAME INSIDERS-ONLY TOUR and WIN THE SAME LOOT! And you’re not even obligated to drag along your grandpa, who conveniently regained use of his legs after finding out he has the opportunity to do anything other than HELP PROVIDE FOR HIS STARVING FAMILY.
Scratch-off game pieces will be available at Stability Cannabis from October 16th through December 31st. Each game piece is a chance to win. First and second prizes include Perfect Ratio concentrates, Pre-Rolls, and Stability flower discounted to $1 as well as FREE Stability gear.
The grand prize includes the ultimate cannabis experience: A tour of Stability’s 85,000 square-foot indoor cultivation with Chief Cultivator Austin Clay — the same insiders-only tour I received — and a ganja gift basket.
You can read all the fun details later; right now I’m giving you a sneak peak at a few things the GRAND PRIZE WINNER can expect.
You will be OVERWHELMED.
I work at a cannabis farm, a large one at that. Swimming in weed on a daily basis, IS my job. Still, I was unprepared for the size, scope, and level of sophistication presented by the operation at Stability. I am not joking when I tell you that I spent five minutes staring at the conduit that runs the electrical wire in ABSOLUTE AWE.
When you take a step back and realize that all of the infrastructure and technology surrounding you is ENTIRELY there for the sole purpose of growing the highest quality cannabis possible, it is honestly hard to comprehend.
You will LEARN.
Stability is offering one lucky winner the chance to experience a part of the cannabis industry that few outside of it ever get to see. Not only will you learn about their process and all of the meticulous work that goes into providing your lungs with the very best smoke, but you’ll also begin to grasp the overwhelming amount of skilled labor that goes into providing the market with medicine we want to smoke.
After seeing an operation like this, one can never take for granted all of the literal blood, sweat, and tears that go into the making of high-quality cannabis. The word ‘gratitude’ does not do justice to the feeling.
You will enter the WEED MALL.
Words fail, here, in the Weed Mall. I was dumbstruck by the pungent smell and Incredible Hulk-size of the buds as I photographed Stability’s most awarded strain, Platinum Gorilla Glue a/k/a PGG. Dispensary chains and mom-and-pops-ops alike from all corners of the state shop here to stock their shelves with flower that keeps patients coming back for more.
It will probably feel SURREAL.
The first time I saw cannabis growing, it was in the back of a foil-lined closet, where a stolen street light provided the bare minimum level of UV for my uncle’s sad, scraggly sativa to cling on to life.
Years later, I work at a farm where the level of professionalism is on par with any industrial agricultural operation. But the grow facility at Stability is on an entirely different level than anything any normal person has ever seen, and the fact that it is all set up LEGALLY in the state of OKLAHOMA truly feels like something out of a dream. They are at the forefront of innovation, helping to position Oklahoma as a national powerhouse of the cannabis industry.
You will end the tour with a GIFT BOX!
Even for an industry insider, the tour of Stability’s cultivation facility was a mind-blowing experience. We wrapped it up with a quick walk over to the dispensary, where I was gifted with a box of presents better than anything that jolly bastard Santa ever brought. And all of it came from the plants I had just observed being so lovingly cultivated.
You will DEFINITELY get private reserve-quality cannabis.
You should probably plan to get on over to the Stability Super Store. Starting Oct. 16, you can win great, instant scratch-off prizes and — if you’re lucky — get to experience the bleeding edge of Oklahoma cannabis innovation.
You may not get to keep the factory with this Golden Ticket, but there are no losers when we all get to smoke weed this good.
—Trever is a Tulsa-based standup comic, pot farmer and cannabis connoisseur. Follow his shenanigans on TikTok.
Disclaimer: Stability is a Happy Ogle sponsor and supporter and we love them for it.