7 Reasons I Hate the New ‘Weed Vending Machine’

Breaking News! There is an empty weed vending machine in Midwest City!

I’m all for Oklahoma’s entrepreneurial spirit and am amazed by all the wonderful marijuana goods my people have come up with so far. But unlike every single local news station, I’m just not on board with Dr. Terpz’s new ‘Weed Vending Machine’ in Midwest City.

News 9 was first to report on Friday:

“The machine is fully touchscreen. It has a double layered verification system, which the owners say is OMMA compliant.”

Both non-contact and fully touchscreen? Interesting that it could be both. But how?

“To use it, a person has to register with a proper identification card, thumb print scan, and photo the machine takes. They also need to put their information in like you would on the OMMA website.”

I have to touch it again?!?! And it takes my picture? What kind of perverse vending machine is this?

Here are 7 reasons why I think a weed vending machine is a bad idea.

1. One of the joys of purchasing weed, pre-covid, was smelling all the strains and then picking the one that smelled like it would take you to space. What kind of monster hides marijuana in a vending machine? Let those flowers breathe!

2.  The weed vending machine claims to be “non-contact” but that picture looks like I have to put my hand in one of those gross holes to retrieve my product. I’ll pass and and retrieve it from the gloved hand of a friendly budtender.

3.  The last thing the cannabis community needs is more bad press, and we all know some idiot is going to break in and try to load one of these things into the back of their pickup truck and take off. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Dr. Terpz.

4.  We all know that feeling when you spend $1.50 on a bag of chips and they’re hanging by just the edge of the bag. Imagine that feeling when you’ve dropped $50 or $60 or even more. I know I’d Hulk out on the machine.

5.  Before I drop money on any flower I want to see it. Is it stems? Big buds? Little buds? How can I see it when you’ve put the marijuana in jail? Why the hell is the marijuana in jail? Didn’t we just free it?

6.  Not to harp on the non-contact thing, but isn’t using your thumbprint and a keypad that everybody else has used considered contact? Non-contact is ordering online and then having grub hub leave your food at your door.

Unfortunately, we’re not there in the MJ world yet, but you can definitely order from your trusted dispensary online and choose curbside delivery.

7.  A vending machine doesn’t need my picture for me to get anything out of it. It’s just not going to happen. I get that store security gets your picture each visit. It’s just creepy when it’s a fucking vending machine.

—Weed Mom is happy for Dr. Terpz that the publicity stunt worked and everyone knows now that Midwest City is not just for murder, anymore. It’s also for weed vending machines.

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