The Year of Chaos is officially over!
Think for just one second what 2020 would have been like if you didn’t have legal, safe(ish) cannabis to alleviate some of the stress. Now take the biggest bong rip you possibly can and forget the nightmare I just conjured, because we all know that 2020 without the devil’s lettuce would have been a 10th Circle of Dante’s Inferno.
That’s why I won’t pressure anyone to devote themselves to any absurd resolutions. If your 2021 goal was simply to make it, no one could judge you. So instead, I’ll suggest something more reasonable: WEED RESOLUTIONS!
Here are my suggestions for some reasonable cannabis resolutions Oklahoma MMJ patients can work on for the new year. It’s still self-improvement, but I ain’t askin’ ANYONE to go to the gym.
1. Set a Budget.
This is a resolution I’ve been working on since roughly four years before legalization. But the end such a fucktastic year presents an odd set of scenarios that make it a good time to finally get your cannabis budget together!
Corona revealed that our economy is little more than a bizarre fever dream we all choose to believe in. Like religion but better, because cannabis prices are at an all-time low, and we’re getting another round of stimulus hush money with a side of UFO disclosure! There really has never been a better time to decide how much of your money should be spent on weed.
2. Learn About the Terps!
We’ve mentioned it a few times and we’ll mention it a few more. If you’re buying weed solely on THC percentage, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. Cannabis is a complex plant with a lot to offer, and unfortunately figuring out exactly what it’s offering can be a steep learning curve.
Don’t be intellectually lazy. Figuring out specifically what cannabinoids and terpenes best interact with your body and your mood can help you more efficiently purchase and consume your cannabis! None of us have lives anymore, so we may as well learn some stuff!
3. Come Out of the Closet.
Now, I understand there will forever be circumstances where a secluded toke is necessary. However, if you are still strategizing secret trips to the backyard to save your loved ones from the fact that you partake in the wacky tobacky, I suggest you take a big hit, sit that person down and have the difficult conversation. You don’t need to mention that weed makes their cooking tolerable.
Be honest with your loved ones, and be a shining example of responsible use. Even if they don’t decide to join you, the disclosure will go a long way in reaching ‘normalization.’ And maybe you can even stop “walking the dog” every ten minutes in atmospheric conditions not suitable to humans.
4. Reevaluate Your Use.
This one may be hard. I know many people (myself included), who entered this brave new world of legal cannabis, got incredibly high, and fell off the deep end. Between growing it myself and seeing more dispensaries than Starbucks, I have smoked A LOT of cannabis over the last two years.
It’s been great! However, I find myself at a point where I feel like I should reconsider how I use cannabis, so I can truly get the most out of it. For me, I know that will involve an uncomfortably long tolerance break and a rethinking of the moments it benefits me to be medicated. The process with be arduous but more than worth. So personally, this is my main goal for 2021.
5. Get Your Hands Dirty.
With a little research, you may surprise yourself at how totally doable growing your own weed is. You don’t need a ton of money; I’ve seen grows entirely confined to computer cases. Our great state allows us each to have SIX PLANTS for personal use, and I feel like not enough of us are doing this.
Grow your own cannabis plant at least once. Even if you don’t sprout green thumbs or award-winning cannabis, you’ll get a feel for the labor of love that goes into growing the plant we all love.
6. Be Competent.
LEARN HOW TO ROLL YOUR OWN JOINTS! It’s 2021 folks, and we live in a legal state. Pre-rolls are fantastic and convenient, but can you confidently roll a fat stogie like a distracted cowboy posted by a crackling fire?
7. Stop Stealing Lighters.
No one intends to do it. But this year, intend not to.
Trever is a Tulsa-based stand up comic, cannabis connoisseur and pot farmer making 2021 the year he finally sticks to a weed budget.