7 Reasons to Wake, Bake & Meditate This Weekend

I’m such a mental health trailblazer, I lost my shit last year way before most people. And to such a fantastic degree that my lone New Year’s resolution for 2021 is to stop fucking around and get my mind as healthy as my body. For me, this meant starting a meditation practice.

Despite being the least Zen person I know, medical marijuana — taken with the intention to calm my mind and release my imagination — has been an invaluable partner in my burgeoning meditation practice…and has led me to doing a new favorite thing:

Wake, Bake & Meditate™

To pull this off, all you need is intention, cannabis, five minutes and an open mind. I recommend a weekend morning, so you can skip the worry about being anywhere. As a newb, I still use a free meditation app, like Inscape or InsightTimer, since I cannot yet be trusted to be alone with my own thoughts.

Lost Ogle Trivia

Even if you managed to escape 2020 with your mental health intact, simply being a human being ’round these parts can conjure compelling reasons to find yourself in need of a Wake, Bake & Meditate™ sesh this Saturday. Here are seven:

1. In the fog of morning, you accidentally caught a FOX25 news segment and lost faith in humanity before your feet hit the floor. Forgive yourself. Then take two deep inhales of god’s own medicine and move your ass into Lotus pose.

2. Coffee chat, after, about staring into the abyss will be extra fun when you can’t remember what you were trying to talk about. My husband would like to thank me in advance for starting convoluted, early morning discussions about aliens or personal transformation and then forgetting my name.

3. Saturday is for self-care. This is an easy one for the ladies, but let’s take it beyond fermented tea, facials and mani-pedis. There is nothing selfish (or girlie, for that matter) about spending some time in contemplation to center yourself before starting the day. How much more fun would Saturday be if we weren’t still hauling around the week’s baggage?

4. Bought a sapling from Marcum’s Nursery last week and desperately need to rebalance your karma. You could use a longer meditation for this one. Might I suggest enjoying a balanced hybrid like Double Déjà Vu then doing Inscape app’s free visualization meditation, Tree of Life?

5. Got distracted by Sen. James Lankford’s pristine, supple, dewy, flawless vampire face for a full 45 seconds during the live-streamed mayhem in D.C. — and now realize you must improve your ability to focus. Three tokes on a gentle sativa plus a meditation on mindfulness might do you right. Still, does anyone know his beauty secrets or where The Picture of James Lankford may be hung?

6. The FBI bulletin about armed protests this weekend in all 50 state capitols and in D.C. has you suspicious your family is planning a reunion without you. Work through the feelings of relief and rejection in what may need to be the longest medicated meditation session thus far.

7. You’ve got nowhere to go but inside. As much as I miss it, zero chance I’m risking death by slow suffocation for brunch at Palo Santo with the girls. But what if instead of being glued to morning TV news-porn with a knot in my chest, I smoked a little weed, closed my eyelids and rode my lifeforce and imagination into parts unknown? Why not.

—Beth might run off to join a psilocybin cult in Mexico, after recently losing her birth family to a cult in America.

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