Hippie lingo, cop code for skunky situations, Hitler’s birthday, or some ancient stoner decreed it so? Regardless of the 4/20 origin story, I will be celebrating by ingesting my meds one way or another. Full disclosure, I’m going to celebrate in all seven of the ways listed below.
1. Stone Edibles Pizza – Edible
Have you ever wanted to eat a whole pizza after eating a whole pizza? Stone Edibles has created THC infused pizzas that will bake you into a ceaseless cycle of marijuana and munchies. This cannabis lover’s circle of life will be manifested when I shove the Sausage Beyond potza into my toking hole on 4/20. There are three other pot pies to choose from, including a vegan option. Find a dispensary near you that carries it.
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2. Ooh, La La by Run the Jewels – Flower
If you hear Run the Jewels (RTJ) music blaring on holy blaze day, then come burn one down with me. My favorite rap duo released their own strain named after their new hit single “Ooh La La”. I will be singing “Ooh, la la ah, weed weed” all the way to Cookies, where this bud is sold exclusively as a gram pre-roll.
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3. Oh Hi – Beverage
In order to stomach the new seltzer craze, Oh Hi’s THC infused version is a necessary intermediary. I will float away on this bubbly’s pleasant buzz at 10% THC levels, but Oh Hi also offers an equal parts CBD and THC infused option. I am going to celebrate with the lemon lime flavor. Which flavor are you trying?
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4. Select’s Squeeze – Beverage Enhancer
No one wants to look like Olive Garden Karen MiOing their water with nasty juice. I want to be the cool, medicated Karen that still gets down on some unlimited breadsticks. Is that still a thing at Olive Garden? I haven’t been in years. I’ll go to OG on 4/20, dose my water with Select’s discrete Squeeze THC Beverage Enhancer, and become so cool and comfortable that I stuff several breadsticks into my hoodie pocket on my way out. Has anyone else done that? It’s okay, I tip well! Get it at Stability or another dispensary near you.
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5. Sensual Cannabis Oil – Topical
Does anyone want to read about a thirty something weed writer rubbing sensual cannabis oils all over his hairy body? Too bad, I want to try it! There are recipes online for this stuff, but The Joint has some on hand, if you want to spend more time in the bedroom, less in the kitchen. Like most single people, I’ve been lonely during the pandemic and I want to spice things up. Any takers? No? Fine, I guess this lonely stoner frees his freaky side at night with experimental at home weed lube. I hope this holiday doesn’t turn into another personal IcyHot crisis like back in 2001.
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6. Dabs – Concentrates
It has been years since I took my first dab hit and it was free at a head shop in Denver where I nearly passed out afterwards. You really do get what you pay for, but it was still a better dab than Cam Newton’s. It’s time I had a better experience. The Happy Ogle reports that numerous dispensaries are offering deals on concentrates for 4/20! I’ll definitely be dabbling in dabs on Tuesday with deals like these. Does anyone have a dab rig I can borrow?
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7. Vape Pens & Cartridges
It’s time to change my annual holiday doobie burning at the OKC Zoo to a more inconspicuous method of celebrating, then maybe the conservative moms and security will quit yelling at me. I’m more of a flower guy, but I’ll treat myself to a vape pen and medicate incognito like my anxiety insists that I do. Hopefully orangutans Elok and Negara can still puff, puff, pass my pen without opposable thumbs. Also, please do not get zoo animals high.
—Friendly reminder for the 4/20 holiday: Support local, have fun and most importantly, be safe!
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